Two news items recently came to my attention, and while
you think they were unrelated, just wait until you hear what I’ve discovered.
First, the head of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, the overweight guy with
the bad haircut, hasn’t been seen in public for two weeks.
Second, the U.S. Navy has just released film of Unidentified Flying Objects,
taken by genuine Naval aviators. The film shows dark spots on the navy planes’
radar, which certainly look like UFOs. Or maybe dust spots on their cameras.
In any case, it is apparent to any critical thinking person, that Kim Jong
Un was aboard one of the UFOs and is now floating around the sky keeping
track of what’s happening here on earth. This makes perfect sense.
The virus has kept everyone on lockdown and so if you were cooped up in
North Korea and getting antsy, you’d want to get out, too. Actually, most
everyone wants to get out of North Korea, even when there is no lockdown
because there is nothing to do there.
There has been much speculation regarding what has happened to
Kim. He could be alive, comatose or dead. Frankly, I’d opt for the first,
if I had a choice.
We know Kim wants North Korea to be like the United States for a variety of
reasons. First, we have video games. In North Korea, the children have to
study 36 hours a day and are not allowed to join youth soccer leagues.
Second, North Korea does not have a good delivery service. Did you
ever try to order anything from North Korea? Did you ever try to sell anything to
North Korea? The only thing North Korea wants to buy from the United States
is ballistic missiles and they can’t get those because Amazon doesn’t have cartons
big enough to package them in.
How Kim got to be on a UFO is open to speculation and conjecture,
two things I am particularly good at.
First, he could have been abducted by aliens who want to know what they
were up against if they decided to invade. Why they would pick Kim to study is
unclear, but I suspect they made a wrong turn at Paris and wound up in North
Second, and more likely, is that Kim, himself is an alien, who was placed
in North Korea some time ago to study humankind. Since we have not heard
an SOS from any of the spaceships, it seems clear Kim is at home with his fellow
aliens, enjoying the perks of first-class travel, the free slippers and bottled water
that come with the special guest status he would have.
What is he looking for, you might ask, as he circles the globe? That’s
easy. Just like many of us, and just as needy, he’s looking for a barber.
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Editor’s Note: Within the past 72 hours Kim has been spotted in North Korea.
He was walking into a beauty salon.