Having a home office in a spare bedroom has posed many
challenges since the pandemic has started.
Fortunately, being in the right phase of reopening will mean
I will have to take matters into my own hands to make sure I am not
surprised by the Reopening Police when the government allows me to
To make sure I’m doing this right I have written a Plan for
Reopening my Home Office, taking into consideration the Government’s
Here is the Protocol
1. Employees (meaning me) who can work from home are
encouraged to do so. Since my bedroom office is very much attached to the
rest of the apartment, I should be able to do this. There are times, however,
when I have headed to the kitchen for a snack and I will wear a mask when
going to the fridge.
2. All employees reporting to work will have a non-contact
temperature check upon entering the office. I haven’t been anyplace in
eight weeks, but I have a non-contact temperature device. I tried it once and
I was normal. Some of my colleagues, I’m sure, would doubt that, but they
aren’t referring to my temperature.
3. Any employee who is sick or not feeling well is required to
stay home. As long as there is food in the kitchen, I am okay with this.
4. A second temperature check will be conducted in the
I haven’t done anything in the afternoon for eight weeks, so I should
be able to squeeze this in, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my nap.
5. Any employee who is sick or not feeling well is required to
stay home. A piece of cake.
6. Common work areas such as the staff kitchen, coffee station
and lounge area will be restricted in use. Here, I have a problem.
I don’t know how I’m going to restrict use of my kitchen. It is one of
my favorite places. And if all my clothes didn’t suddenly get tighter, I
would show you a picture that proved that I have never ignored my
Furthermore, government rules state the use of the microwave
coffee machines, etc., are restricted. Here’s the kicker: Use of these
appliances is restricted to two times a work period. If I read this correctly, I
can only use my coffee machine twice a day.
The solution to this is obvious: I will re-define my work period to
two hours at a time, which should keep me sufficiently infused with
caffeine. I once tried to talk to someone who hadn’t had a cup of coffee.
He talked so slow that he couldn’t finish the conversation within the
7. All conversations must be held while participants are six
feet apart. This will be a challenge.
Since my conversations are held via the internet, I measured out
where I have to be to be in compliance with this. Six feet from my computer
will put me either out in a parking lot or standing up on a dresser, three
feet off the ground. Now, the parking lot isn’t so bad because someone has
just placed a basketball hoop in it, giving me a chance to practice
free throws instead of rolling my eyes at each inane thought my colleagues
On the other hand, standing on a dresser would pose a problem
because my sense of balance is not what it was. On the dresser, I
would have to place my feet between an array of photo equipment and
a stack of CDs. One false step and I’m on the floor buried under a
stack of my favorite music. While that would make for a great picture,
I’m not sure my health insurance would believe how I got a broken
8. Use of the on premises restroom will require the user to thoroughly
sanitize the restroom before and after each use. This includes sanitizing
all handles, countertops, doors and anything else contacted. This is not
something I would jump on.
Constipation never looked so good.